Saturday, June 30, 2012

Hey! I'm famous!

I thought this was pretty cool.  Thru Google, I can see how many page views that the EPPdfMB, ORPS, and HfWW is getting, and what countries they're being viewed in.

Belgium was on there a couple of days ago too.  What happened Belgium?  Where'd you go?
We miss you.  Really.  I have a knot in my stomach knowing that you're not out there, you know, doing Belgium-y stuff and things, and reading along.  Come Back!
Damnit Belgium!!! 
You get back here this instant!
Stay Belgium. 
Stay. 
nnooooooo.....ssstttayyyyy....sstayy....

Goooooodddd Belgium...

That'sma Belgium....mmmhmmm....

Goooddd Belgium...



Pageviews by Countries
United States
737
Germany
6
United Kingdom
2
Sweden
2
Australia
1
Brazil
1

Pageviews by Browsers
Safari
436 (58%)
Internet Explorer
123 (16%)
Chrome
70 (9%)
Firefox
66 (8%)
Mobile Safari
53 (7%)
Opera
1 (<1%)
Pageviews by Operating Systems
Macintosh
316 (42%)
Windows
194 (25%)
iPhone
152 (20%)
Android
39 (5%)
iPad
26 (3%)
BlackBerry
15 (2%)
compatible
4 (<1%)
Linux
3 (<1%)


So Thanks for reading everybody!!
That's really very cool to think that people on the other side of the planet might be enjoying this little Pirata! 
Hugs.

my words are gonna grab your girlfriends butt

They kaint see us; wer in the spurit world now.

I'll be spending my weekend here:

http://www.peyoteway.org/

So I won't be reachable after about 5 or 6 this afternoon, until Monday.

Here's some light reading to keep you occupied while I'm away.

Enjoy.





The Rime of the Ancient Mariner


Part I

It is an ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
`By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

The bridegroom's doors are opened wide,
And I am next of kin;
The guests are met, the feast is set:
Mayst hear the merry din.'

He holds him with his skinny hand,
"There was a ship," quoth he.
`Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!'
Eftsoons his hand dropped he.

He holds him with his glittering eye -
The Wedding-Guest stood still,
And listens like a three years' child:
The Mariner hath his will.

The Wedding-Guest sat on a stone:
He cannot choose but hear;
And thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.

"The ship was cheered, the harbour cleared,
Merrily did we drop
Below the kirk, below the hill,
Below the lighthouse top.

The sun came up upon the left,
Out of the sea came he!
And he shone bright, and on the right
Went down into the sea.

Higher and higher every day,
Till over the mast at noon -"
The Wedding-Guest here beat his breast,
For he heard the loud bassoon.

The bride hath paced into the hall,
Red as a rose is she;
Nodding their heads before her goes
The merry minstrelsy.

The Wedding-Guest he beat his breast,
Yet he cannot choose but hear;
And thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.

"And now the storm-blast came, and he
Was tyrannous and strong:
He struck with his o'ertaking wings,
And chased us south along.

With sloping masts and dipping prow,
As who pursued with yell and blow
Still treads the shadow of his foe,
And foward bends his head,
The ship drove fast, loud roared the blast,
And southward aye we fled.

And now there came both mist and snow,
And it grew wondrous cold:
And ice, mast-high, came floating by,
As green as emerald.

And through the drifts the snowy clifts
Did send a dismal sheen:
Nor shapes of men nor beasts we ken -
The ice was all between.

The ice was here, the ice was there,
The ice was all around:
It cracked and growled, and roared and howled,
Like noises in a swound!

At length did cross an Albatross,
Thorough the fog it came;
As it had been a Christian soul,
We hailed it in God's name.

It ate the food it ne'er had eat,
And round and round it flew.
The ice did split with a thunder-fit;
The helmsman steered us through!

And a good south wind sprung up behind;
The Albatross did follow,
And every day, for food or play,
Came to the mariner's hollo!

In mist or cloud, on mast or shroud,
It perched for vespers nine;
Whiles all the night, through fog-smoke white,
Glimmered the white moonshine."

`God save thee, ancient Mariner,
From the fiends that plague thee thus! -
Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."


Part II

"The sun now rose upon the right:
Out of the sea came he,
Still hid in mist, and on the left
Went down into the sea.

And the good south wind still blew behind,
But no sweet bird did follow,
Nor any day for food or play
Came to the mariners' hollo!

And I had done a hellish thing,
And it would work 'em woe:
For all averred, I had killed the bird
That made the breeze to blow.
Ah wretch! said they, the bird to slay,
That made the breeze to blow!

Nor dim nor red, like God's own head,
The glorious sun uprist:
Then all averred, I had killed the bird
That brought the fog and mist.
'Twas right, said they, such birds to slay,
That bring the fog and mist.

The fair breeze blew, the white foam flew,
The furrow followed free;
We were the first that ever burst
Into that silent sea.

Down dropped the breeze, the sails dropped down,
'Twas sad as sad could be;
And we did speak only to break
The silence of the sea!

All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

About, about, in reel and rout
The death-fires danced at night;
The water, like a witch's oils,
Burnt green, and blue, and white.

And some in dreams assured were
Of the Spirit that plagued us so;
Nine fathom deep he had followed us
From the land of mist and snow.

And every tongue, through utter drought,
Was withered at the root;
We could not speak, no more than if
We had been choked with soot.

Ah! well-a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung."


Part III

"There passed a weary time. Each throat
Was parched, and glazed each eye.
A weary time! a weary time!
How glazed each weary eye -
When looking westward, I beheld
A something in the sky.

At first it seemed a little speck,
And then it seemed a mist;
It moved and moved, and took at last
A certain shape, I wist.

A speck, a mist, a shape, I wist!
And still it neared and neared:
As if it dodged a water-sprite,
It plunged and tacked and veered.

With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
We could nor laugh nor wail;
Through utter drought all dumb we stood!
I bit my arm, I sucked the blood,
And cried, A sail! a sail!

With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
Agape they heard me call:
Gramercy! they for joy did grin,
And all at once their breath drew in,
As they were drinking all.

See! see! (I cried) she tacks no more!
Hither to work us weal;
Without a breeze, without a tide,
She steadies with upright keel!

The western wave was all a-flame,
The day was well nigh done!
Almost upon the western wave
Rested the broad bright sun;
When that strange shape drove suddenly
Betwixt us and the sun.

And straight the sun was flecked with bars,
(Heaven's Mother send us grace!)
As if through a dungeon-grate he peered
With broad and burning face.

Alas! (thought I, and my heart beat loud)
How fast she nears and nears!
Are those her sails that glance in the sun,
Like restless gossameres?

Are those her ribs through which the sun
Did peer, as through a grate?
And is that Woman all her crew?
Is that a Death? and are there two?
Is Death that Woman's mate?

Her lips were red, her looks were free,
Her locks were yellow as gold:
Her skin was as white as leprosy,
The Nightmare Life-in-Death was she,
Who thicks man's blood with cold.

The naked hulk alongside came,
And the twain were casting dice;
`The game is done! I've won! I've won!'
Quoth she, and whistles thrice.

The sun's rim dips; the stars rush out:
At one stride comes the dark;
With far-heard whisper o'er the sea,
Off shot the spectre-bark.

We listened and looked sideways up!
Fear at my heart, as at a cup,
My life-blood seemed to sip!
The stars were dim, and thick the night,
The steersman's face by his lamp gleamed white;
From the sails the dew did drip -
Till clomb above the eastern bar
The horned moon, with one bright star
Within the nether tip.

One after one, by the star-dogged moon,
Too quick for groan or sigh,
Each turned his face with a ghastly pang,
And cursed me with his eye.

Four times fifty living men,
(And I heard nor sigh nor groan)
With heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
They dropped down one by one.

The souls did from their bodies fly, -
They fled to bliss or woe!
And every soul it passed me by,
Like the whizz of my crossbow!"


Part IV

`I fear thee, ancient Mariner!
I fear thy skinny hand!
And thou art long, and lank, and brown,
As is the ribbed sea-sand.

I fear thee and thy glittering eye,
And thy skinny hand, so brown.' -
"Fear not, fear not, thou Wedding-Guest!
This body dropped not down.

Alone, alone, all, all alone,
Alone on a wide wide sea!
And never a saint took pity on
My soul in agony.

The many men, so beautiful!
And they all dead did lie;
And a thousand thousand slimy things
Lived on; and so did I.

I looked upon the rotting sea,
And drew my eyes away;
I looked upon the rotting deck,
And there the dead men lay.

I looked to heaven, and tried to pray;
But or ever a prayer had gusht,
A wicked whisper came and made
My heart as dry as dust.

I closed my lids, and kept them close,
And the balls like pulses beat;
Forthe sky and the sea, and the sea and the sky,
Lay like a load on my weary eye,
And the dead were at my feet.

The cold sweat melted from their limbs,
Nor rot nor reek did they:
The look with which they looked on me
Had never passed away.

An orphan's curse would drag to hell
A spirit from on high;
But oh! more horrible than that
Is the curse in a dead man's eye!
Seven days, seven nights, I saw that curse,
And yet I could not die.

The moving moon went up the sky,
And no where did abide:
Softly she was going up,
And a star or two beside -

Her beams bemocked the sultry main,
Like April hoar-frost spread;
But where the ship's huge shadow lay,
The charmed water burnt alway
A still and awful red.

Beyond the shadow of the ship
I watched the water-snakes:
They moved in tracks of shining white,
And when they reared, the elfish light
Fell off in hoary flakes.

Within the shadow of the ship
I watched their rich attire:
Blue, glossy green, and velvet black,
They coiled and swam; and every track
Was a flash of golden fire.

O happy living things! no tongue
Their beauty might declare:
A spring of love gushed from my heart,
And I blessed them unaware:
Sure my kind saint took pity on me,
And I blessed them unaware.

The selfsame moment I could pray;
And from my neck so free
The Albatross fell off, and sank
Like lead into the sea."


Part V

"Oh sleep! it is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole!
To Mary Queen the praise be given!
She sent the gentle sleep from heaven,
That slid into my soul.

The silly buckets on the deck,
That had so long remained,
I dreamt that they were filled with dew;
And when I awoke, it rained.

My lips were wet, my throat was cold,
My garments all were dank;
Sure I had drunken in my dreams,
And still my body drank.

I moved, and could not feel my limbs:
I was so light -almost
I thought that I had died in sleep,
And was a blessed ghost.

And soon I heard a roaring wind:
It did not come anear;
But with its sound it shook the sails,
That were so thin and sere.

The upper air burst into life!
And a hundred fire-flags sheen,
To and fro they were hurried about!
And to and fro, and in and out,
The wan stars danced between.

And the coming wind did roar more loud,
And the sails did sigh like sedge;
And the rain poured down from one black cloud;
The moon was at its edge.

The thick black cloud was cleft, and still
The moon was at its side:
Like waters shot from some high crag,
The lightning fell with never a jag,
A river steep and wide.

The loud wind never reached the ship,
Yet now the ship moved on!
Beneath the lightning and the moon
The dead men gave a groan.

They groaned, they stirred, they all uprose,
Nor spake, nor moved their eyes;
It had been strange, even in a dream,
To have seen those dead men rise.

The helmsman steered, the ship moved on;
Yet never a breeze up blew;
The mariners all 'gan work the ropes,
Where they were wont to do;
They raised their limbs like lifeless tools -
We were a ghastly crew.

The body of my brother's son
Stood by me, knee to knee:
The body and I pulled at one rope,
But he said nought to me."

`I fear thee, ancient Mariner!'
"Be calm, thou Wedding-Guest!
'Twas not those souls that fled in pain,
Which to their corses came again,
But a troop of spirits blest:

For when it dawned -they dropped their arms,
And clustered round the mast;
Sweet sounds rose slowly through their mouths,
And from their bodies passed.

Around, around, flew each sweet sound,
Then darted to the sun;
Slowly the sounds came back again,
Now mixed, now one by one.

Sometimes a-dropping from the sky
I heard the skylark sing;
Sometimes all little birds that are,
How they seemed to fill the sea and air
With their sweet jargoning!

And now 'twas like all instruments,
Now like a lonely flute;
And now it is an angel's song,
That makes the heavens be mute.

It ceased; yet still the sails made on
A pleasant noise till noon,
A noise like of a hidden brook
In the leafy month of June,
That to the sleeping woods all night
Singeth a quiet tune.

Till noon we quietly sailed on,
Yet never a breeze did breathe;
Slowly and smoothly went the ship,
Moved onward from beneath.

Under the keel nine fathom deep,
From the land of mist and snow,
The spirit slid: and it was he
That made the ship to go.
The sails at noon left off their tune,
And the ship stood still also.

The sun, right up above the mast,
Had fixed her to the ocean:
But in a minute she 'gan stir,
With a short uneasy motion -
Backwards and forwards half her length
With a short uneasy motion.

Then like a pawing horse let go,
She made a sudden bound:
It flung the blood into my head,
And I fell down in a swound.

How long in that same fit I lay,
I have not to declare;
But ere my living life returned,
I heard and in my soul discerned
Two voices in the air.

`Is it he?' quoth one, `Is this the man?
By him who died on cross,
With his cruel bow he laid full low
The harmless Albatross.

The spirit who bideth by himself
In the land of mist and snow,
He loved the bird that loved the man
Who shot him with his bow.'

The other was a softer voice,
As soft as honey-dew:
Quoth he, `The man hath penance done,
And penance more will do.'


Part VI

First Voice

But tell me, tell me! speak again,
Thy soft response renewing -
What makes that ship drive on so fast?
What is the ocean doing?

Second Voice

Still as a slave before his lord,
The ocean hath no blast;
His great bright eye most silently
Up to the moon is cast -

If he may know which way to go;
For she guides him smooth or grim.
See, brother, see! how graciously
She looketh down on him.

First Voice

But why drives on that ship so fast,
Without or wave or wind?

Second Voice

The air is cut away before,
And closes from behind.

Fly, brother, fly! more high, more high!
Or we shall be belated:
For slow and slow that ship will go,
When the Mariner's trance is abated.

"I woke, and we were sailing on
As in a gentle weather:
'Twas night, calm night, the moon was high;
The dead men stood together.

All stood together on the deck,
For a charnel-dungeon fitter:
All fixed on me their stony eyes,
That in the moon did glitter.

The pang, the curse, with which they died,
Had never passed away:
I could not draw my eyes from theirs,
Nor turn them up to pray.

And now this spell was snapped: once more
I viewed the ocean green,
And looked far forth, yet little saw
Of what had else been seen -

Like one that on a lonesome road
Doth walk in fear and dread,
And having once turned round walks on,
And turns no more his head;
Because he knows a frightful fiend
Doth close behind him tread.

But soon there breathed a wind on me,
Nor sound nor motion made:
Its path was not upon the sea,
In ripple or in shade.

It raised my hair, it fanned my cheek
Like a meadow-gale of spring -
It mingled strangely with my fears,
Yet it felt like a welcoming.

Swiftly, swiftly flew the ship,
Yet she sailed softly too:
Sweetly, sweetly blew the breeze -
On me alone it blew.

Oh! dream of joy! is this indeed
The lighthouse top I see?
Is this the hill? is this the kirk?
Is this mine own country?

We drifted o'er the harbour-bar,
And I with sobs did pray -
O let me be awake, my God!
Or let me sleep alway.

The harbour-bay was clear as glass,
So smoothly it was strewn!
And on the bay the moonlight lay,
And the shadow of the moon.

The rock shone bright, the kirk no less,
That stands above the rock:
The moonlight steeped in silentness
The steady weathercock.

And the bay was white with silent light,
Till rising from the same,
Full many shapes, that shadows were,
In crimson colours came.

A little distance from the prow
Those crimson shadows were:
I turned my eyes upon the deck -
Oh, Christ! what saw I there!

Each corse lay flat, lifeless and flat,
And, by the holy rood!
A man all light, a seraph-man,
On every corse there stood.

This seraph-band, each waved his hand:
It was a heavenly sight!
They stood as signals to the land,
Each one a lovely light;

This seraph-band, each waved his hand,
No voice did they impart -
No voice; but oh! the silence sank
Like music on my heart.

But soon I heard the dash of oars,
I heard the Pilot's cheer;
My head was turned perforce away,
And I saw a boat appear.

The Pilot and the Pilot's boy,
I heard them coming fast:
Dear Lord in heaven! it was a joy
The dead men could not blast.

I saw a third -I heard his voice:
It is the Hermit good!
He singeth loud his godly hymns
That he makes in the wood.
He'll shrieve my soul, he'll wash away
The Albatross's blood."


Part VII

"This Hermit good lives in that wood
Which slopes down to the sea.
How loudly his sweet voice he rears!
He loves to talk with marineers
That come from a far country.

He kneels at morn, and noon, and eve -
He hath a cushion plump:
It is the moss that wholly hides
The rotted old oak-stump.

The skiff-boat neared: I heard them talk,
`Why, this is strange, I trow!
Where are those lights so many and fair,
That signal made but now?'

`Strange, by my faith!' the Hermit said -
`And they answered not our cheer!
The planks looked warped! and see those sails,
How thin they are and sere!
I never saw aught like to them,
Unless perchance it were

Brown skeletons of leaves that lag
My forest-brook along;
When the ivy-tod is heavy with snow,
And the owlet whoops to the wolf below,
That eats the she-wolf's young.'

`Dear Lord! it hath a fiendish look -
(The Pilot made reply)
I am afeared' -`Push on, push on!'
Said the Hermit cheerily.

The boat came closer to the ship,
But I nor spake nor stirred;
The boat came close beneath the ship,
And straight a sound was heard.

Under the water it rumbled on,
Still louder and more dread:
It reached the ship, it split the bay;
The ship went down like lead.

Stunned by that loud and dreadful sound,
Which sky and ocean smote,
Like one that hath been seven days drowned
My body lay afloat;
But swift as dreams, myself I found
Within the Pilot's boat.

Upon the whirl where sank the ship
The boat spun round and round;
And all was still, save that the hill
Was telling of the sound.

I moved my lips -the Pilot shrieked
And fell down in a fit;
The holy Hermit raised his eyes,
And prayed where he did sit.

I took the oars: the Pilot's boy,
Who now doth crazy go,
Laughed loud and long, and all the while
His eyes went to and fro.
`Ha! ha!' quoth he, `full plain I see,
The Devil knows how to row.'

And now, all in my own country,
I stood on the firm land!
The Hermit stepped forth from the boat,
And scarcely he could stand.

O shrieve me, shrieve me, holy man!
The Hermit crossed his brow.
`Say quick,' quoth he `I bid thee say -
What manner of man art thou?'

Forthwith this frame of mine was wrenched
With a woeful agony,
Which forced me to begin my tale;
And then it left me free.

Since then, at an uncertain hour,
That agony returns;
And till my ghastly tale is told,
This heart within me burns.

I pass, like night, from land to land;
I have strange power of speech;
That moment that his face I see,
I know the man that must hear me:
To him my tale I teach.

What loud uproar bursts from that door!
The wedding-guests are there:
But in the garden-bower the bride
And bride-maids singing are;
And hark the little vesper bell,
Which biddeth me to prayer!

O Wedding-Guest! this soul hath been
Alone on a wide wide sea:
So lonely 'twas, that God himself
Scarce seemed there to be.

O sweeter than the marriage-feast,
'Tis sweeter far to me,
To walk together to the kirk
With a goodly company! -

To walk together to the kirk,
And all together pray,
While each to his great Father bends,
Old men, and babes, and loving friends,
And youths and maidens gay!

Farewell, farewell! but this I tell
To thee, thou Wedding-Guest!
He prayeth well, who loveth well
Both man and bird and beast.

He prayeth best, who loveth best
All things both great and small;
For the dear God who loveth us,
He made and loveth all."

The Mariner, whose eye is bright,
Whose beard with age is hoar,
Is gone; and now the Wedding-Guest
Turned from the bridegroom's door.

He went like one that hath been stunned,
And is of sense forlorn:
A sadder and a wiser man
He rose the morrow morn.








and, if you like Coleridge, how about some Kipling;






Gunga Din


You may talk o' gin and beer
When you're quartered safe out 'ere,
An' you're sent to penny-fights an' Aldershot it;
But when it comes to slaughter
You will do your work on water,
An' you'll lick the bloomin' boots of 'im that's got it.
Now in Injia's sunny clime,
Where I used to spend my time
A-servin' of 'Er Majesty the Queen,
Of all them blackfaced crew
The finest man I knew
Was our regimental bhisti, Gunga Din.
He was "Din! Din! Din!
"You limpin' lump o' brick-dust, Gunga Din!
"Hi! Slippy hitherao!
"Water, get it! Panee lao
"You squidgy-nosed old idol, Gunga Din." The uniform 'e wore
Was nothin' much before,
An' rather less than 'arf o' that be'ind,
For a piece o' twisty rag
An' a goatskin water-bag
Was all the field-equipment 'e could find.
When the sweatin' troop-train lay
In a sidin' through the day,
Where the 'eat would make your bloomin' eyebrows crawl,
We shouted " Harry By!"
Till our throats were bricky-dry,
Then we wopped 'im 'cause 'e couldn't serve us all.
It was "Din! Din! Din!
"You 'eathen, where the mischief 'ave you been?
"You put some juldee in it
"Or I'll marrow you this minute
"If you don't fill up my helmet, Gunga Din!"
'E would dot an' carry one
Till the longest day was done;
An' 'e didn't seem to know the use o' fear.
If we charged or broke or cut,
You could bet your bloomin' nut,
'E'd be waitin' fifty paces right flank rear.
With 'is mussick' on 'is back,
'E would skip with our attack,
An' watch us till the bugles made "Retire,"
An' for all 'is dirty 'ide
'E was white, clear white, inside
When 'e went to tend the wounded under fire!
It was "Din! Din! Din!"
With the bullets kickin' dust-spots on the green
When the cartridges ran out,
You could hear the front-ranks shout,
"Hi! ammunition-mules an' Gunga Din!"
I sha'n't forgit the night
When I dropped be'ind the fight
With a bullet where my belt-plate should 'a' been.
I was chokin' mad with thirst,
An' the man that spied me first
Was our good old grinnin', gruntin' Gunga Din.
'E lifted up my 'ead,
An' he plugged me where I bled, An' 'e guv me 'arf-a-pint o' water green.
It was crawlin' and it stunk,
But of all the drinks I've drunk,
I'm gratefullest to one from Gunga Din.
It was "Din! Din! Din!
"'Ere's a beggar with a bullet through 'is spleen"
"'E's chawin' up the ground,
"An' 'e's kickin' all around:
"For Gawd's sake git the water, Gunga Din!
'E carried me away
To where a dooli lay,
An' a bullet come an' drilled the beggar clean.
'E put me safe inside,
An' just before 'e died,
"I 'ope you liked your drink" sez Gunga Din.
So I'll meet 'im later on
At the place where 'e is gone
Where it's always double drill and no canteen.
'E'll be squattin' on the coals
Givin' drink to poor damned souls,
An' I'll get a swig in hell from Gunga Din!
Yes, Din! Din! Din!
You Lazarushian-leather Gunga Din!
Though I've belted you and flayed you,
By the livin' Gawd that made you,
You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!




Note on vernacular expressions
bhisti - water-carrier
hitherao - come here
panee lao - bring water
Harry By - O Brother
juldee - quickly
marrow - hit





and a personal favorite,


The Cremation of Sam McGee 

by Robert Service


  There are strange things done in the midnight sun
        By the men who moil for gold;
    The Arctic trails have their secret tales
        That would make your blood run cold;
    The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
        But the queerest they ever did see
    Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
        I cremated Sam McGee.

    Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
    Why he left his home in the South to roam 'round the Pole, God only knows.
    He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
    Though he'd often say in his homely way that "he'd sooner live in hell."

    On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
    Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
    If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn't see;
    It wasn't much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

    And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
    And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead were dancing heel and toe,
    He turned to me, and "Cap," says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess;
    And if I do, I'm asking that you won't refuse my last request."

    Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
    "It's the cursèd cold, and it's got right hold, till I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
    Yet 'tain't being dead — it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
    So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you'll cremate my last remains."

    A pal's last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
    And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
    He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
    And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

    There wasn't a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
    With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, because of a promise given;
    It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: "You may tax your brawn and brains,
    But you promised true, and it's up to you, to cremate those last remains."

    Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
    In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
    In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
    Howled out their woes to the homeless snows — Oh God! how I loathed the thing.

    And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
    And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
    The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
    And I'd often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

    Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
    It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the "Alice May."
    And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
    Then "Here," said I, with a sudden cry, "is my cre-ma-tor-eum."

    Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
    Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
    The flames just soared, and the furnace roared — such a blaze you seldom see;
    And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

    Then I made a hike, for I didn't like to hear him sizzle so;
    And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
    It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don't know why;
    And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

    I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
    But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
    I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside.
    I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked"; ... then the door I opened wide.

    And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
    And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and said: "Please close that door.
    It's fine in here, but I greatly fear, you'll let in the cold and storm —
    Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it's the first time I've been warm."


    There are strange things done in the midnight sun
        By the men who moil for gold;
    The Arctic trails have their secret tales
        That would make your blood run cold;
    The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
        But the queerest they ever did see
    Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
        I cremated Sam McGee.



The above poem can be found, for example, in:



  • Service, Robert. The Spell of the Yukon and Other Verses. New York:

  • Friday, June 29, 2012

    Happy Birthday to TSofT

    Yesterday was "The Source of the Trouble's" birthday but b/c of breakdowns, towings, repairs, and a mad dash Carlsbad, I totally forgot to wish her a happy birthday.  Dang.
    Boo-Hiss to EPPdF.
    Sorry to tSotT

    All join in a belated birthday wish, for the one, the only, "The Source of the Trouble"!!!
    Happy birthday to you!!!
    Happy birthday to you!!!
    Happy biiiiirrrrrththththtday dear SourceoftheTrouuuuuuble!!!
    Happy birthday to you!!!

    Loooooooovvvvee Youuuuuuu!






    Carlsbad Caverns
    Woke up at 6 AM and started working.  Emails, bank accounts, etc.
    The lonely hard life of EPPdF, slaving away in the Hampton Inn Carlsbad, in King Suite.
    I know.
    I'll get thru it.
    Exactly the same as being chopped into small pieces and fed to lions.
    Exactly the same.

    Checked out of the Hotel before 10 so that I could go to T-Mobile and replace the dead battery in my Droid.  No such luck.
    T-Mobile is not very popular out here.
    Not real popular where I'm sitting either.

    Got out to the Carlsbad Caverns around 11:00.  Beautiful.  Worth the trip.
    Will right more later.
    For now:

    http://www.nps.gov/cave/index.htm



    Stopped in Artesia, NM to cool off and search for a T-Mobile Store - no luck.
    Went into the Wellhead Bar & Restaurant and had a nice chat with Tiff behind the bar.
    Great place and a really nice lady.  Check 'em out.
    http://thewellhead.com/

    From Artesia I took 82 (or was it 54?) thru Cloudcroft.  Beautiful drive and made the afternoon heat worth it.  The ride takes thru the Lincoln National Forest/State Park.
    Slowly, the limestone ridges give way to granite and mountains start to form.  At one point the mountains off to my left looked the undulating backs of the herds of buffalo.  (Don't know if buffalo lived this far south but that's just the way they look).
    As the road rises from 4,000 feet to 9,000 feet, the oppressive heat subsided and the smell of pine and cedar filled the air.  It was a gorgeous ride.
    The road twists and turns and you gradually get high enough to see all of the mountain range that used to belong to the Mescalero Apaches and to the Comanches.  Gorgeous.

    Dear T-Mobile/HTC:

    Just a note to let my friends and family know, the bike is fixed and I've made it to Carlsbad, NM.
    But, my cel phone is dead so I can't make or receive calls.
    There's a T-Mobile store down the road so I'll fix or replace in a couple hours and be good as new.


    EPPdF

    Dear Harley Engineers...

    June 28th, 2012
    From the desk of El Pinche Pirata del Fuego
    Carlsbad, NM


    Dear Mr. Harley Engineers, Executive Officers, and the Entire Board of Directors:

    Please take a break from endorsing, "The Official Harley-Davidson Waffle Iron", and maybe spend a bit more time working on your product so that it doesn't repeatedly break down and/or shed nuts and bolts on the hiway.

    While I appreciate the history and lore and the comaraderie found amongst other riders, what I really appreciate even more than that, is a product that works.  And, arriving at my intended destination without 3rd degree sunburn.
    Kudos to you for bringing your brand back from the brink of bankruptcy.  But you seem to have done so by crass commercialization and the sheer volume of dealerships.  You are nearly as ubiquitous as Starbucks.
    I fully expect to see "The Official Harley-Davidson Feline Flea & Tick Pet Bath" sometime this year.

    Here's the thing:  I love my bike.
    But pushing it sucks.  It's fucking heavy.
    Want to know what I've never had to push?  My Toyota.  It has 10X the mileage as my Harley and, over the course of the past 3+ years and 25,000+ miles,  has let me down 0% of the time.
    Been to west Texas lately?
    It's hot.  Melt your innards type hot.
    Pushing heavy objects thru hot places is the exact opposite of "fun & sexy".
    And, to have this little "slice of Harley owner life experience" it cost me $1,200.
    That really cuts into a fella's beer funds.

    Before the regulator quit and left me stranded on 1053 N, 20 miles outside of Ft. Stockton, the bolt that holds the trip odometer reset button in the "dashboard" fell off, so that when I attempted to reset the odometer, the button fell inside the dash where it could only be reached by unbolting and removing the dash.  Not life threatening and not terribly difficult.  But, if your engineers were worth a damn it might not happen.
    Incidentally,  the thin, copper bolts that hold the old style "post" stereo in a 76 Ford is a perfect fit.
    But the point is, while scavenging bolts from abandoned vehicles somewhere in the hinterlands of west Texas makes for entertaining reading, I doubt it would happen on a BMW.

    I must, however, congratulate you Sir.  You've managed to turn your ineptitude into some sort of "Red Badge of Courage" for the purchasers of your products.  Every Harley owner with more than a couple years riding experience has a story about how  some crucial bolt sheared off at hiway speeds and hurled itself thru the fuel tank and ignited the whole contraption, a la Nick Cage, and how, at 80 MPH he had urinate on the fire in order to save both man and machine -
    "Adrenaline, man.  It takes over and you just do what ya' gotta do."
    - or how, when his beloved HD suddenly left him stranded in no-man's-land, he was forced to craft a new head gasket using only roadkill armadillo and a boy scout pocket knife.

    Great stories for sure and one of the reasons there is such a fellowship amongst Harley owners.
    You buy one of these bikes and you join a tribe.  The shared hardships, trials, and tribulations of those who look forward to long solo rides where anything can and sometimes does happen has created a sort of brotherhood that, I think, does not exist in any other brand.  But, I have 4 brothers, and while I have enjoyed talking to all the Harley guys I've met thus far, I'm not really looking to add anymore.

    Please step away from "The Official Harley-Davidson Inside the Shell Egg Scrambler" and work on creating a product that's not only fun to ride, but reliable.

    Your friend and mine,
    El Pinche Pirata del Fuego



    Editor's Note:

    I love this bike and I love that I'm on this trip.  And I absolutely adore the people of Texas.  I have never met a more consistently nice group of people anywhere at anytime.
    Yesterday, while waiting for the tow truck, several people stopped to see if they could help.
    Johnny in the Aaronn's truck gave me 4 mini-bottles of water and actually offered to load the bike in the back of his rig and take me to Odessa himself .  He didn't have straps to tie down the bike so I waited on the tow truck, but he was entirely serious with his offer. 
    Two younger guys, covered with tattoos and with "gauged" ear-lobes stopped to look in on me.
    Two hispanic guys gave me 2 more bottles of water, ice cold from their cooler.
    Then Ricky from one of the local oil companies stopped and gave me 2 more bottles of water.
    Then and older gentleman (forgot his name) stopped and poured some of his sweet tea into an empty water bottle for me.  His passenger, Mark, told me to call Brendon at Legacy Harley in Odessa, which I already had.  Later, when I got the bike in to the service department, I found out that Mark had called and told Brendon that I was on the way and to take good care of me.
    The older fellow also told me he would come back around to check on me in an hour or so, and that, if I hadn't seen the tow truck by then, he would go get his trailer and take me to Odessa himself.
    That is pretty special and particularly unique to Texas.  People are friendly and always ready to sit and talk for a few minutes and curious about who you are and where you're going.
    It's really nice.  I like these people alot and can't say enough good things about them. 
    (I drank every drop of water these kind people gave me over the course of 2 or 3 hours and never once felt the need to relieve myself; such is the heat out there.)
    There is something about this place, this rugged and desolate corner of the country, that has created a people who, while tough and sturdy and independent; a people that want little, if anything, to do with the federal (or even state) rules or moneys or help; has also created a people who are willing to lend a hand without being asked.  They do it because it's their nature;  they're just good people.
    And, also, I think keenly aware of how fate can sometimes be changed by some, up to then, benign and insignificant part; a lost bolt could leave you stranded miles from any help and could seriously result in disaster.  It's no joke.  Just a couple hours out in 106 degree heat and I was feeling it. 
    So, while I certainly wanted to vent my frustrations in regards to expensive machinery not being entirely reliable, I would really like to express how terrifically uplifting my time on the side of the road really was. 
    If you found yourself in the middle of nowhere and saw a man, half covered in tattoos, with long-ish hair, a grumpy demeanor, and an eye-patch, standing next to an old Harley, would you really stop?
    I don't know if I would either.
    But these people in Texas did.  And they did it on a pretty regular basis.  It seemed like just as I was finishing off one bottle of "gifted water", someone else pulled up to give me a little more.
    That's pretty damn nice and I don't think that I'll ever be able to fully express how truly grateful I am for the experience.
    Thank you Texas, and with a somewhat begrudging air, thank you Mr. Harley Executive; it was you who gave me the opportunity to spend some time with these wonderful people.

    Special Thanks again to:

    http://www.legacyh-d.com/
    Gary, Nic, Mike, etc were great.  Got the Crossbones patched up in a couple hours and got me back on the road.

    A-Pops Towing 432-336-2765 or 432-290-6653 in Ft. Stockton
    (Cynthia was an absolute doll to deal with - extremely helpful and kind.  I had lunch with her and the grand-kids which was kinda fun.  The Source of the Trouble happened to call while we were eating so Isaiha talked to her.  "Your mom's nice."  Thanks little buddy.
    Also, Cynthia has the same last night as me AND her grandfather is from Salamanca, Spain too.)

    Bien Venidos (which translates to: "An unruly sea otter has touched me in an inappropriate and sexy way so now I'm getting my waterwings and heading home".  Mexican Restaurant in Ft. Stockton was great.  Try the Chile Rellenos.

    Wednesday, June 27, 2012

    Today on the EPPdF Cooking Channel


    How To Cook a Pirata

    "Mom!?!   We're hungry!"
    How 'bout a tuna casserole?
    "Ewwww...tuna casserole?  Agaaiinnn!?!"
    I know; how's about a meatloaf?
    "But mom!?!  We don't want the same ol', same ol'!  We want something different!  Something nutritous AND delicious!!!"

    Sound familiar?  Having a tough time with the "diners" in your home?
    Need something fresh and exciting that will still provide a balanced and healthy meal for your family?

    Try Pirata!!!           

    Pirata!!  It's what's for dinner!!

                                                                                      The Average Pirata contains:
    Nutritional break down of "Pirata"


     Beer


    Thoughts about boobs


    Bad attitude, cursing, avoiding work


    more beer










    First:  Getting your Pirata 
    Getting your pirata should be easy.  While their contrary and cantankerous nature makes them difficult to approach, catching your pirata requires no more effort than leaving a fresh, cold Guinness in a snare trap and yelling, "Whose beer is this?"
    A cheap but effective trick.
    If that fails, remember:  Boobs.

    Scrub your Pirata before starting - these are filthy critters that are known to go weeks or even months without bathing, shaving, showering, or even changing clothes.
    NEVER, EVER attempt to brine your Pirata:  they are plenty salty enough already.
    Plucking is recommended, but optional.

    Once you have your pirata, add these items together
    1.  West Texas heat   +106 degrees
    2.  Cloud cover, tall trees, buildings, occasion bridge over hang - 0
    3.  Heat Index at 2:00 PM -  Same as surface of the sun
    4.  Distance of attempted ride - 500 miles
    5.  Method of transport - completely unairconditioned Harley   Davidson Motorcycle
    6.  Number of hours broiling in sun on the side of Interstate 10 - 2 1/2 hours
    7.  Turn frequently


    Editor's note:  Alert and hungry reader, Sharon, sent in her favorite Pirata recipe:

    Skewered and roasted pirata and - not only salty but crusty too?!!!
    Serve me up a plate of that please!



    Thanks, Sharon!  That DOES sound delicious.  What about adding sliced tomatoes and pineapples?


    Have a favorite Pirata recipe?
    Send it in to share with the EPPdF readers!


    Dead.

    Kaput.

    Fin.

    "All a'da' sudden, they was a big ablosion."




    A-Pop's Towing:  My heroes!

    If you're ever in or around the Ft. Stockton, TX vacinity, and you've decided to break down in the middle of the desert (Do Not Do This!  I cannot emphasize this enough!) Call A-Pop's.

    432-336-2765/432-290-6653


    Also, Big Dog (not used in a sartorial sense here) of Big Dog's Diesel & Tire Repair was kind enough to stop and give me Gatorade and water and to give me A-Pop's number.  Nice guy:  Again, if you have made the decision to kill your particular mode of transportation somewhere around 40 miles east of Ft. Stockton ( Can Not Caution Against This Enough) give Big Dog a shout at 432-940-0716. 





    That is not going to look good at the pool.
    Ed. Note:
    Re-heating your pirata for left-overs is not recommended.
    They are known to sour and cause extreme and loud yelling and cursing while standing at the intersection 1053 N and 329 E/W.


     What I felt like yesterday after another 2 hours in the west Texas sun.












    Tuesday, June 26, 2012

    Yeah! They Still Rock!!

    The Scorpions


    Cousin-brother Ron and I snuck down to the first row, just behind the gates where the floor seats start.  Had a great view, much better than the tickets I bought online which were nosebleed high and off to stage left.

    The best part was that the heavy set Mexicans around us that were totally into the music (yeah! totally!!) They were jumping around and shakin' and groovin' and bangin' there heads and yelling for more the entire show;  awesome!  Love those guys.




    "Big City!  Big City Nights!"


    While the crowd was smaller and heavier, The Scorpions seemed more relaxed than ever.
    I guess when you've been in the same band since 1965, and you've sold millions of records, and played for some the largest audiences ever recorded, maybe there's not much that could throw you off your game.

    Whatever the reason, they sounded fantastic.  Cousin-brother Ron and I saw MeatLoaf in Austin on Friday night and while it was an awful lot of fun, Meatloaf can't hold a candle to The Scorpions.
    Klaus Meine can still hit all the high notes without really trying.  He was amazing.
    Rudolf Schenker and Mathias Jabs can still shred and have aged well considering the rock lifestyle they've been living for 40 plus years.

    Honestly, I have been wanting to lay down a few cliche's about '80's rock bands but The Scorpions don't deserve it.  They were great.  Full of energy and life and could actually hit all the right sounds whether it was "Big City Nights" off the Love at First Sting album or "Holiday" off of Lovedrive.

    I know that all the cool kids are going to tell me I'm wrong, the '80s are gone (so glad), that The Scorpions are old and washed up and it's cheesy, and blah, blah, blah.....
    I know that there's some hip band that recorded half a demo in their mom's basement before they all committed suicide by sucking on the tail pipe of a 1972 Buick Station Wagon because they were depressed when they found out that they would never grow up to be eagles, or carrier pigeons, or harp seals, or whatever, but honestly, The Scorpions brought it tonight and it was a hell of a lot of fun and I'm really glad that Cousin-brother Ron and I went.
    "El Duece" - big loser last night



    BUT, it was a tough night for "El Duece".  How is going to recover?
    Only time will tell.......




    <Cousin-brother Ron: Big Winner last night!

    Would've loved to hear "Always Somewhere" and "When the Smoke is Going Down" - 2 ballad-y type songs but a couple of my favorites.

    <<This is when they were playing "Coast to Coast" off the Lovedrive album.
    They also played, Holiday, Blackout, Still Loving You, The Zoo, Is There Anybody There? (love that song - very different sound for Klaus, et al), No One Like You, Winds Of change, and several new songs that I wasn't as familiar with.

    The Slander and Libel continue!

    From the D.O.J. - Pie chart shows the known bribery expenditures of "El Duece".  (Dept. of Justice.  Freedom of Information Act 5 U.S.C. § 552 was enacted as part of Pub.L. 89-554, 80 Stat. 378, enacted September 6, 1966, which created Title 5 of the United States Code (Government Organization and Employees). 5 U.S.C. § 552(d), at 80 Stat. 383, stated:)


    From Wikipedia:

    Bribery, is an act of implying money or gift giving that alters the behavior of the recipient. Bribery constitutes a crime and is defined by Black's Law Dictionary as the offering, giving, receiving, or soliciting of any item of value to influence the actions of an official or other person in charge of a public or legal duty.
    The bribe is the gift bestowed to influence the recipient's conduct. It may be any money, good, right in action, property, preferment, privilege, emolument, object of value, advantage, or merely a promise or undertaking to induce or influence the action, vote, or influence of a person in an official or public capacity.[1]
    In economics, the bribe has been described as rent. Bribery in bureaucracy has been viewed as a reason for higher cost of production of goods and services.


    Just so my alert and disoriented readers will know that El Pinche Pirata del Fuego is fair-minded, equitable, and unafraid to take the heat for past transgressions, even if THESE PARTICULAR TRANSGRESSIONS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO BASIS IN FACT (or at least had completely slipped my mind!  (Oopsie's!!)  But, same thing.) I am posting, whole and somewhat edited, the MERIT LESS AND LIBELOUS note that "High-school-Sweetheart-Fred) has just sent.

    It is clear to me that "El Duece" has used some underhanded tactics to turn "High-school-Sweet-Heart-Fred" against EPPdF.
    (I had no idea even "El Duece" could sink so low.)

    Is it blackmail?

    Bribery?

    Does "El Duece" have "dirt" on HsSF?      

    You be the judge:





    From:  High-school-Sweetheart-Fred


    Just to take the heat off Duecey for a minute...

    I remember a certain pirate dumping me in high school and taking another lovely lady, whose name I shall not mention, as I am much more "mature" now and have learned she is a wonderful person... to a Scorpions concert with him at the (then) "Gator Bowl" in Jacksonville, 

    FL where I cried my sweet little eyes out to "Wind of Change". Alone.     
     I have no recollection of this alleged incident.
    (Did I mention that I had a brain tumor?)  
    (I nearly died and stuff.) 
    (Seriously.)  
    (It was really scary and things.)  
    (I would've really missed me.)
    Also, I can see how you would cry during "Still Loving You", but "Wind of Change"?
    P.S.S.  I didn't see The Scorpions in high school; they didn't come around until '91 or '92.  
    (Pffftttt!)
     
    Oh and then there was the time that said pirate took my best friend, at least he was a fella, to a particular Tom Petty concert leaving me in the woods of Middleburg, FL with nothing more that a raggedy dog and ole' 22 to entertain me.  Joshua Ingles and I were friends too!  HE bought tickets for HIS good friend, EPPdF, for the young "pinche'r's" 19th birthday present.

    "Y" is for "you're telling a fib HsSF!!!"
    (Full Moon Fever Tour.  Excellent show, btw.)

    But hey. This is YOUR blog. I won't make it about me. 
    (Ummmm....Yaaaauuu)

    You're welcome Duece.



    Oh. And Duecey...he is going to beat you with your own bloody arm.  (Finally we get some truth from this "lady".)


    Love You!  (mmm-Hmmm....)

    "High-school-Sweetheart-Fred"










    ....after speaking briefly with counsel, EPPdF has decided to refrain from further comment on these scurulous and groundless accusations that have clearly been purchased for what I can only imagine is a king's ransom by "El Duece" the Vacuous in an attempt to sway the pool of potential jurors in the case of:

    "El Pinche Pirata del Fuego and The Entire Continent of North America, as Well as Most of the Caribbean Islands, Papua New Guinea-including but not limited to the Baka Pigmies, and also a Handful of Dissidents on the Ivory Coast vs. "El Duece" the Black-Hearted (formerly known as El Pinche Pirata del Fuego Hermano Numero Uno, El Pinche Pirata del Fuego hermano numero dos)"


    (Even Zulu warriors become disgruntled and contrary when they hear the name, "El Duece")



    (Umna -pt-GawWanne, "El Duece"!)

    Translation: "Boo-Hiss, "El Duece""








    Instead, I am choosing to ignore these vicious and personal attacks, and focus on the petite but vocal support of The True Friends of EPPdF (@2006, A Not-For-Profit Corp. 501(c)(3)) :
    Like "The Charming and Unstoppable DeDe":

    Enjoy:


    From:  "tCaUD2" 
    8:51 AM (June 26th, 2012)


    EPPdF!  It is wonderful to hear from you and thank you for the sound advice on speeding up my recovery through sea salt and dried cherry Cacoa chocolate - you understand both the science and the art of recovery.

    Stock photo of "tCaUD2"
    I have already indulged in the reading you suggest, so you can only imagine the thrill I received from seeing the illustrious author's name in my inbox!  A personal note from the pinche pirata himself! ....I am weak kneed at the the thought.  The blog is wonderful, the pictures transporting, and the challenges described display that your sense of adventure is undaunted by rain, bumps, and natural and/or man made obstacles.  Thank you for all the work you have put into it; I truly feel like I am participating in your wild and unpredictable journey.
    "I pity the fool that slanders EPPdF!!!"


    Thank you so much for the note; "Mr. T" and I are both talking about you regularly, checking your blog, and loving your stories and descriptions.  Be safe dear friend and I will look forward to chocolate and red wine (or beer) with you before too long.  IN the mean time, know that I am....

    your avid blog reader,

    "tCaUD2"




    If only "El Duece" and his cohorts and collaborators could be more like "tCaUD2" and "Mr. T":  the world be a much better place.