This week in the news.

Nuclear bunnies!  Oh, my!!!

After exposure to radiation, the formerly docile rabbits are said to have become "ravenous monsters, although still cute".
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/hundreds-bunnies-swarm-tourists-rabbit-island-gallery-1.1701122?pmSlide=2

Pippa Middleton was overheard asking, "Whose the girl with the incredible bum?"
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/pippa-middleton-talks-famous-dress-wore-royal-wedding-article-1.1702568

In a repeat from 1975-2013, Bill Clinton is seen with women who are not Hillary.
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/bill-clinton-poses-prostitutes-humanitarian-gala-article-1.1707463

Putin decides to ride his pet bear thru Kiev.
Hilarity does not ensue.
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702303801304579413443251173188?mg=reno64-wsj&url=http%3A%2F%2Fonline.wsj.com%2Farticle%2FSB10001424052702303801304579413443251173188.html

Indians screwed out of their gold (again). Cry (again).
http://profit.ndtv.com/news/nation/article-indians-lose-crores-in-bitcoins-as-japan-exchange-collapses-381933

After months of testing doctors confirm that Chris Brown is just an asshole.
http://www.contactmusic.com/article/chris-brown-diagnosed-ptsd-bipolar-disorder_4092522

This story is not at all related to Chris Brown.
http://www.sciencerecorder.com/news/astronomers-discover-a-new-superpowered-small-black-hole/

Everyone agrees that Obamacare is an enormous success.
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/03/02/costs-obamacare-bungles-start-to-add-up-with-maryland-first-at-estimated-305/

A former IRS official confesses that she is suicidal.
"I had thought about pills or guns or even running my car off a bridge but eventually I decided this would be best for everyone."
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/03/02/exclusive-lerner-will-give-hill-testimony-on-irs-scandal-after-lawyers-said-no/?intcmp=obnetwork

In sports-y-ish news, a reporter asks Lindsay Duke if she's seeing anyone.
http://www.celebalerts.com/nfl-qb-blake-bortles-girlfriend-lindsey-duke-15-of-her-hottest-pics?utm_source=outbrain&utm_medium=desktop&utm_campaign=us

Hipster is the new "honkey".
(Also, Spike Lee is a huge douche-nozzle.)
http://ideas.time.com/2014/02/28/spike-lees-racism-isnt-cute-m-f-hipster-is-the-new-honkey/