In a post I put up earlier today, I mentioned that a potential future ex-wife, Sara Harrier, is now a life coach in California.
http://saraharrier.com/
When I met Sara several years ago we spoke long enough for me to realize that
A.) She is in fact future ex-wife material.
B.) She's pretty damn smart.
Yesterday I received an invite to "Like" her page (linked above) which I gladly did without reading because what guy doesn't want to say, "Ab-so-fucking-lutely!" when a gorgeous and intelligent woman asks if you like something of hers.
Momma didn't raise no fools!
I just read a couple of her essays.
They are both good reading and oddly prescient to what has been happening in my life over the past year or more.
Her writing on the voice in her head in particular, here -
http://saraharrier.com/naming-the-cute-little-voice-in-my-head/
was so on point with me that I decided to post a private email exchange that I had with a friend after my little road trip to Nashville last month where I met another future ex-wife, Miss Ivalee Pitts.
http://ivaleepitts.com/
I've been meaning to write more about that particular day but every time I tried nothing as good as this conversation came out so, for better or worse, here is the email exchange I had with my friend Tonya that day.
_________________________________________________________________________________
EPPdF via text:
Funny story
In Nashville w Greg
At lunch I gave my pirata business card to the bartender to give to a gorgeous fiddle player
Told her I had just saw my future former wife
Greg bought motorcycle
We came back downtown
We were just about to leave when I checked my old ph for the first time today
Ivalee my new wife has called
We are staying the night
 |
| My buddy Greg with his newest pride and joy. |
Tonya:
Wait...Greg bought your motorcycle!?!
These cryptic messages are very confusing.
Perhaps you should avoid the phrase "future former".
Self fulfilling prophecies are no good.
Also.......you have a pirata business card? (doofus)
Also.......ewwww, I don't need to hear about your on the road escapades.
You see the worlds biggest ball of yarn, tell me about it.
You hook up some chick in a bar.....you keep that business to yourself.
I am a lady ya' know.
I am a lady ya' know.
In addition, I am still pissed - that's right...Pissed and a little hurt - that you totally blew off my "I'm sad and baking" offer.
That bread was AWESOME and now you do not get any brownies!
:p
:p
EPPdF:
A. I have never hooked up with a chick I just met.
B. Greg bought a motorcycle in Nashville - not mine.
B. Greg bought a motorcycle in Nashville - not mine.
C. I am home
D. I think the last 24 hours changed my life.
E. I ignore your anger.
That's right.
I said it.
The "pirata" cards are funny.
They are part of this process - of setting yourself free - of saying, "Wouldn't it be funny, if……?"
And then acting on it because you thought it was funny and why shouldn't "you" be the one to decide?
Of letting go of that ugly damn voice.
That little SOB that dogged me thru countless years.
The one that told me not to try this or that because it wasn't going to happen.
"You're not lucky. You won't win."
That ugly beast that told me, "She won't like you - don't bother asking her out."
The one that said, "You're not good enough for her. Or her. Or her either. "
And in countless deceitful, undermining, "Judas moments" betrayed me - told me what I was seeing was wrong.
"Of course you're not seeing this person you care for you let you down, undermine you, lie to your face, throw you under the proverbial bus ".
"You're wrong. You just don't understand. B/c you're not smart enough. B/c this is a complicated situation. And if you really understood, then you would realize that I had to lie to you, b/c it was for the greater good, and b/c that lie was for the greater good, this deceit, this betrayal doesn't count."
"Your feelings don't count. You don't get it."
And honestly - that voice died yesterday.*
In one last epic mental battle I plunged right into the heart of darkness with nothing but hope.
And faith.
And an old U2 song from The Joshua Tree.
In one last hoorah, at 4 o'clock this morning, on Interstate 75 southbound, right at the exit for Chatsworth and White, I looked the beast right in his stinking face and shouted at the top of my lungs -
I want to run - I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside
I want to reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name
I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Still building, then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there I go there with you
It's all I can do
The city's a flood and our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind - trampled in dust
I'll show you a place high on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Still building, then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there I go there with you
It's all I can do
Our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind --
And when that voice rose again I shouted even louder:
I have climbed the highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run - I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoken with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of the devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes, I'm still running
You broke the bonds and you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for --
And it is was ok to have not found what I was looking for because I'm still out there looking.
But now I believe that I'll find it.
I believe that I deserve it.
I'm ok being me.
I actually like me now.
And I'm running to it instead of away from it.
And now the "wicked witch" is finally dead.
And I promise you that I was actually crying as I typed this email to you.
And it's ok cause now it's over.
I could show you the exact spot on the highway where the beast died and I laid my burden down.
Because I was silly enough to say, "Wouldn't it be funny if I had these pirata business cards made" a year and half ago.
And funnier still to have pirata sticky notes made?
And letterhead and t-shirts too?
Cause that made me hysterical - in a good way.
And yesterday I said, "Wouldn't it be funny if I gave this silly pirata card to this stranger -
(and I swear I am not making this up but the bartender's name was Hope!!!) -
to give to another stranger - with instructions to tell her that I had just met my future/former wife?"
And wouldn't it be funny if she called?
And then she did.
And then I met her.
She is tall, gorgeous, and talented and she looked right at me - ME - this guy right here! - she held my hand and looked right into the good eye and told me that she thought I was, "mysterious and sexy".
I told her I was sure I'd be coming back to Nashville very, very soon.**
I told her I was sure I'd be coming back to Nashville very, very soon.**
That was it.
Nothing improper or inappropriate or unseemly at all.
2 people met, shook hands, and parted ways with the hope of seeing each other again.
I laughed all day yesterday and was still laughing at breakfast this morning.
And yeah, "Wouldn't it be funny if Ivalee Pitts and Joey Rodriguez met and fell in love?"
If the story we told our grandchildren was,
"Your grand pop saw me playing fiddle and announced right then and there that I was the woman he would marry and I thought right then and there - Yes. Yes I would marry that man with the eye patch."
(Probably leave the whole ex-wife and sexy comments out of the "G" Rated kids version.)
Because what if the story was how your grand-dad went to Nashville to buy a motorcycle but went home with a wife."
Wouldn't that be funny?
I don't think it's likely to happen but, what if……
Isn't that what we're all hoping for?
To fall in love and have it finally, This Time, work out?
When I told Greg, "I'm sorry to drag this trip out but we have to stay and meet Ivalee, right?"
He said, "Well, hell yeah we have to meet that gorgeous woman.
I just thought we were doing well to meet Hope."
He was right.
Yesterday I literally and figuratively met Hope on my little road trip to Nashville.
And who knows?
What if………
Look up Ivalee's band, The Spaghetti Westerneers, and see how talented my future/former wife is.
And yes, I'm still laughing.
And I'm still holding out for cream cheese brownies. Pretty please!?!
*Honestly, I don't think that voice ever completely dies but it does become much easier to turn it down or outright ignore it.
** I haven't made it back to see Ivalee.
But I still have Hope!
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Spaghetti-Westerneers/373892539725
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