Since yesterday was April Fool's Day, I wrote this letter and sent it to the project super and manager:

Dear Mr. Bell, et al, Skanska,

It has come to our attention that some of the contractors on your current project have taken it upon themselves to use racial, bigoted, and divisive slurs to refer to our client, the kindly and good, not to mention handsome and charming, Mr. Joseph Rodriguez.

While throwing around words like “pirate” and shouting things like “argh” may seem like good, clean fun to the common masses, we here at the law offices of

El Pinche Pirata del Fuego take these offenses with great exception.

The world has moved on, Mr. Bell and it expects a bit more decorum in the work place.  

“Pirate-Americans” have made valuable contributions to this society and expect to be treated with the same respect as other hyphenated Americans.

What would the world be without Rooster Cogburn? 

Without Snake Plissken? 

Without Daryll Hannah playing a hot chick with an eye-patch in that movie who’s name escapes me at the moment?

A lesser place for sure.

And while other hyphenated Americans have been successfully incorporated into this brave, new world despite being decidedly less cool, not to mention less handsome and much less charming,  “Pirate-Americans” still endure the slings and arrows of bigotry?

Have you suffered for a disability over which you have no control?

Ever try to find a comfortable, long-lasting eye-patch at an affordable price?

A prescription monocle?

I thought as much.

While we realize you cannot control all of the actions of independent contractors, as project supervisor you exercise much authority and can help effect the tone and tenor of your projects.  These people look to you for leadership and with your help I’m sure we can establish a work place where all can enjoy equal opportunity without discrimination.

Even if they aren’t as cool as us.

Sincerely,

A.J. Rodriguez, esquire

The Law Offices of El Pinche Pirata del Fuego

(formerly The El Pinche Pirata del Fuego Religious Preparatory Academy, Online Memorium, and Home for Wayward Women)