That's exactly the type of Go-Getter we need around here.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-19661144

First, I would like to say, I really admire your moxy.

It's just that type of gettin' it done attitude that built this great nation, and personally, I'd like to see a heckuvalot more of that spirit.

It's that "Can do", "don't wait for the home office to tell me to do it, just get started", "sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness rather than wait for permission" drive that our country was founded upon.

Do you think George Washington was issued a permit to cross the Delaware River?
Do you think he had a long conversation with Human Resources about using cover letters for the TPS Reports?

Hell No!

He threw some guys in a boat, added a musket or two, probably a little coffee, (maybe with a shot or two of whiskey to keep him warm) (I'm not judging - it was a different time), and Wa-f'ing-Lah! a nation is born.

That's the problem now a days (and, incidentally what I like about the motorcycle).
Everything has to be safe.
Everything has to be approved, and verified, and tested, and notarized, and issued in triplicate, and God forbid, your precious snowflake get on his tricycle without a helmet and sun screen and impact resistant safety glasses AND a bottle of water.
Holy Christ ona Stick!!! Your neighbors would call the State Department and have you deported!!

I am not exaggerating when I say that I spent three quarters of my childhood in the trunk of a Dodge Duster, for cryin' out loud!
And, look at me!!!
Perfectly fine.
(Maybe that's a bad example, but still....)

"The Source of the Trouble" bought a green Dodge Duster sometime in the '70's and proceeded to drag the 4 of us boys all over central Florida until she finally killed the poor car.
Do you think she stopped to ask the salesman how many of her offspring could be reasonably expected to survive anything beyond a fender bender in the local Winn Dixie parking lot?
Hell no!!
She had things to do and ensuring the continuation of her DNA into a third generation did not make the list.

Let me do the 1970's math for you:
Cars of that era had something called a "transmission hump" running down the center of the car.
It's literally where the transmission and drive shaft are located underneathe the car and everything else is built around it, making that spot the most uncomfortable, with the least room, and if you were the youngest, guess where you sat?
Did you guess, A.  Transmission Hump, ?

Congratulations.

I was the youngest, so guess were I would've sat if I were raised by normal people?
Right, again:  Transmission hump.

BUT, this was my family, and we were not normal (Abby, Abby Normal, I believe.  Yes, that sounds right.  Abby Normal.) because there were 4 boys plus "The Source of the Trouble".
That's five peoples for what was really designed to be a 4 seat car.

BUT, what about WaWa and her daughter?
Where will they sit?

Good question:  let me answer, in part, by telling you what a WaWa is.

A WaWa is a Vietnamese immigrant, who managed to survive that little police action now referred to as, "The Vietnam War" (copyright applied for) and make it to these United States with her daughter in tow AND who, one day, out of the blue, called "The Source of the Trouble" and said:

"Yukumget NOW!  I no live hier NOmor.  Kumget!  NOW!!!   I stay you Now."

Or words to that effect.

So, with the addition of WaWa and child, there were now 7 peoples for 4 seats.
I'm not sure how long they lived with us.
It might've been a month or maybe five years.
I have no idea.
But I'm sure if she had known what she was signing herself up for she might have skipped that last flight out of Saigon and taken her chances with the commies.

"WhyU du?  Whys wrong choo?  WhyU Du tha?  Whys wrong tha leeetle won?  Whyso skeeeny?
U drivinMe Klazy NOW!!

But WAIT!
THERE'S MORE!!

Because, if Auntie M was visiting that meant my cousins would be visiting also.
And that's 3 more.  Auntie M + 2 kids.

AND, that's not to mention any additional hanger's on who showed up for dinner and stayed indefinitely after.

Is it taco night?
Add Keith.

Is it pizza night?
Add Bradley.

Or Fred.

Or Dale.

And THAT's not to mention The Chief and Little Bobby who started coming around about that time as well.

You get the idea.
There were lots of people and only room for 5.

What's a woman to do when she's got all these kids'n'things and so little space?

"The Source of the Trouble" was unfazed.

"Well, I have 117 kids and only room for a dozen or so in the passenger compartment BUT, ya' know, there's all that unused space IN THE TRUNK!

But, "Source of the Trouble", I have to ask:

Will it be SAFE to put small children in the trunk of a green Dodge Duster?

I mean, it's hard to argue with your observation about the space back there, what with only there being a spare tire and the tire iron and whatnot, but I'm just wondering, just thinking out loud here, about, you know, the lack of seat belts?
And, ventilation.
And, this is Florida.
It could get hot back there.
You know?

Because it's the trunk of the car.

Where you would put, you know, ummm......... luggage.

Or groceries.

Maybe a box of old clothes for Good Will.

But, USUALLY, umm, usually, not small children.

No.

No, I mean.......I don't mean to be a stickler for the "Rules" and all but, I'm not sure that the Chrysler Corporation had small children in mind when they were designing the trunk of this car.


"tSotT"  -
 Wow.
Ummm....I had no idea you were going to get OSHA involved in this, your Highness.
Jeez, I'm So Sorry, Mr. Rockefeller, but your fleet of limosines is out being laundered and weren't available today.
I was just going to throw some kids in the trunk, maybe strap one or two to the hood, and strike out for the Gulf of Mexico for the weekend BUT OOOoooohhh NOoooo......now you're going to add all this red tape to the process.
Well, you know if you're going to be like THAT your majesty, why don't we just wait here for your Royal Unicorn to FLY YOU TO THE BEACH!?!"

Well, I was just sayin' that maybe that, all things being considered, that the trunk isn't the BEST place for the tykes to be transported on the interstate highway system.

"tSofT" -
Do you think the pilgrims stopped to ask about ventilation when they got on the Nina, the Pinta, and/or the Santa Maria?
Do you think the pioneers were looking for seat belts when they jumped in their wagons and went off to settle the west?
Of course not.
They understood that life is full of risk and not everyone can be safe ALL the time.
Sometimes a storm might sink a ship or two, or the natives get restless and attack the wagon train.
Who knows?
Not me.
But did that stop them?
No way.
So, by my calculations, if 75% of my children make it to adulthood, well then that's better than average, (AND it's also a solid C+ ) and that's all you can expect and more than you could hope for out of life, but if you insist on being "safe", I'll just throw that old quilt the neighbor down the street made for the boys when they were born down in the trunk because warm is practically the same as safe, right?
A quilt will keep them warm.
Especially in the trunk in Florida.
So there ya' go.
All the little ones are safe after all.
Case closed.




It's hard to argue with that type of logic.
And the truth is, we all survived.
Including WaWa and her daughter.
I don't remember ever wearing a seat belt at any point before my mid twenties.
And look, I've only lost one eye so far so I think that's pretty darn good.

The point is this:
Life is not the "It's A Small World After All" ride at Disney World.
When you're doing it right, it can be profoundly unsafe.
(Like, for instance, riding a motorcycle cross country with only one eye and zero experience.)
But lots of fun.



I have no idea how I started with an article about a woman stealing a boat and ended up with a long winded diatribe about safety.
Good grief.
A woman, in England no less, gets drunk and steals a boat and I end up rambling about my time in the truck of a Dodge Duster.
I need more coffee.

Or drugs.

WAIT!
I could put the drugs IN THE COFFEE!!!

Brilliant.

Thanks guys.
You've been a real life saver.