Alert and demanding reader, "Auntie M", sent in this comment:
"Get to blogging, your readers are concerned about you!"
Awww... Thank you, Auntie M!
Will do!
It's great to know that you're playing along!
And because today is my birthday (ahem...mm.Hmmm...*cough*cough), I thought that I would write a bit about...... (drum roll)... (horns)... (confetti)
(any of these would make for an excellent birthday present)
What I've learned up to this point:
If I've learned ONLY ONE THING from Hulk Hogan, and believe you me, I've learned many, many things from The Hulkster,
But, if I had learned JUST ONE THING from Hulk Hogan, it would be - (excuse me)
(gargles with gravel, drinks bottle of cheap whiskey, chain smokes a box of Pall Malls)
Everybody makes their own deal, BROTHER!
(What can I say? It's like Kant and Descartes had an illegitimate love child who was extremely over-tanned.)
(Not LIKE: He IS the illegitimate love child of Kant and Descartes)
(True story)
(Hand to God)
I think what Mr. Hogan is trying to say (in the parlance of our times) is that - it's up to you to make the most of whatever it is you have in front of you at that particular moment in time.
Don't complain that someone else was able to get more out of their moment, life, assets, contract, etc. It's your job to take care of yours and not be jealous or envious if/when someone else finds a way to make more.
I like this Mr. Hogan character. The man made millions off of calling people BROTHER and wearing tights while ripping apart tank tops and throwing other men in tights around a ring.
Now THAT is getting the most of your moment for sure!!!
"Your wear tights, dude?"
I wear the required uniform.
"....tights...?"
Shut up!
But I digress.
A lot can be learned from an orange man in underwear.
Let's see, what else is there.....ok. Let's make a little list, shall we?
So, THE NUMBER ONE thing that I've learned up til now is:
1. Everybody makes there own deal
2. Bring lots of tank tops. You'd be surprised how quickly you go thru them.
(no, that's not it)
Sorry. You're right. Let's be serious for a moment.
The NUMBER TWO thing that I've learned up til now is..
(..smirk...snort...cough...you said num-ber twooo..snort/cough...)
Oh, WILL YOU STOP THAT ALREADY!?!!
(..smirk..sorr..snort/cough..smirk/snort..no..I'm.reeeally.snort/coughsorrryyy....BWAAHAHHA!!)
Are you finished yet?
Not. Even. Close. Bud.
Fine. You and me, right here, next week.
What can I say? I'm thrilled.
...moving along...
So, the Second Thing that I've learned is that attitude is everything.
Your bad attitude will ruin someone else's day (see previous post).
Once upon a time, EPPdF was known for having a bad attitude (*gasps*)
Oh, for cryin' out loud, WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF!!!
I still get mad when I, or "Ms. X" is treated poorly or with unnecessary rudeness, but that's to be expected. Now I just publicly shame people on the interwebs for their lack of manners and move on. (For the most part....)
And, YOUR attitude will determine how you interpret events in your life.
If your attitude is mostly positive and happy, then a fender bender is just that; a little bump, a little time in the shop, and then nothing else.
But, if your attitude leans sharply to gloomy/bitchy/unhappy, then that minor fender bender becomes a HUGE ordeal, with lots of JEEZUS H CHRIST ona STICK! Now I have to file a claim, and fax the report, and go to the shop, and HOW MANY DAYS AM I GOING TO BE WITHOUT A CAR.....
Which one do you like dealing with?
On to number three....
Yes, Number Three...
Here's the thing; Honest people don't need to remind you how honest they are. And, when they do, it's a "tell". It's a great big sign that says, "Stop believing me now"
Imagine that you walk into a dealer to look at a new car. The salesman gives you his spiel, then says something like, "I'm being honest; you can trust me."
At that point you have two options:
A. Drop your pants
2. Run. Run fast, run far. Just run.
The thing about people and honesty is that you never get to be the one who decides when and where and on what topics the other person is going to be honest, so if you find that someone is not being honest, just move on. Let it go man.
Fortunately, I am a terrible liar. Can't do it.
Oh, I've tried, BELIEVE ME, I have tried. But I'm just bad at it and you'd know it in a second if I weren't being honest with you. You can thank "El Duece" for that. "El Duece" used to do this thing when we were kids where he would ask me a question like, "Did you eat the cookies? If you laugh it means you ate the cookies!" Then he would make faces until I laughed. To this day I still start to smirk and squirm like a 5 year old if I'm not telling the truth.
Way to go "Duecey"! My political aspirations? Down the tube!
*There is also an element of kindness to honesty.
Ask whether this bit of honest information is going to hurt the person receiving it.
I have a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer and subsequently had a double mastectomy. She's an absolute doll and had an amazingly positive attitude about it. But, a male "friend" who was being "honest" told her that "no man wants a girl with no boobs."
That's not honesty. That's being a an a*#hole.
On to
Number Four, and I'm borrowing this from Adam Carolla...
If it doesn't make you money or make you happy, let it go.
Please take a minute to let that sink in. It's really good stuff.
If you find yourself in some never-ending conflict, whether it's with a boss, a neighbor, a partner, whoever....ask yourself, "Self. What am I getting out of this?"
Also, on a related topic, and referring back to "The Complete and Unabridged Story of DumDum", people who don't like drama, don't need to constantly remind everyone about how they don't like drama. (Also, they don't keep their ex's furniture for years on end and then complain about the endless conflict that ensues from the ex trying to get it back.) (But I'm getting off topic.)
Number 5
People can be awesome:
(in no particular order)
D. and J., my high school friends.
KiKi
The Lyon
High School Sweetheart Fred
(when they build the High School Sweetheart Hall of Fame, there will be a statue of Fred out front)
Bee and Corrine Johns
E.C.
Ms. X
Chief El Hefe and All of the Indians
Duece
"the girl"
Arthur Chesterman, my 4th grade teacher at Inwood Elementary, WW II vet, and former P.O.W.
 |
| Doug the cat. |
Keefers and The Missus
Clyde and Mikey
Doug (the person and the cat)
(I'm sure I'm forgetting someone who has been especially kind to me at some point)
(Did I mention the brain damage?)
It's up to you to be gracious and kind and giving to those that give their time and love to you.
Get rid of the rest.
6. People, and also my dog, follow patterns. Once you know someone long enough, that pattern becomes crystal clear and you will either love them or not.
7. Bring a handkerchief
8. Spend the money on good cheese
9. Guinness makes you a better person
10. Tequila does not
11. Grinding your own beans + sweetened & condensed milk is a little slice of heaven
12. Chocolate
13. You have no room or time for dishonesty
14. Be decisive & judgemental
Interesting that we started with Dr. King speaking about a dream where a man was judged by the content of his character and not by the color of his skin (I agree) and we've gone to a place where the most awful, low-down, ugly thing you can do is judge someone's behaviour (disagree). The worst thing you can do is make a judgement call about someone's behaviour.
(also borrowed in part from AC)
Screw that.
The older I get the more I feel it's the only thing that really matters.
I can't see into your heart or your mind to know your motivations but I
can see what you do and that's all I really need to know on most days.
And, when you remove the emotion from the moment and have only the behaviour to examine, then you can decide whether or not you can live with it.
It becomes a simple yes or no at that point.
15. You are part of the problem. (also refers to me depending on the situation)
The lowest common denominator in all of your failed relationships is right there in the mirror
16. Dogs are better than cats.
17. The more complicated the shoe, the more of a pain in the ass the girl will be.
18. 99% of hairdressers are nuts.
19. Mullets were a bad idea.
20. Tattoos really hurt.
21. No one finds God on prom night.
22. Use your intuition. Always. All of the times I landed in hot water were the times I didn't listen to my intuition.
23. Most Boy Scouts and former Boy Scouts are pretty darn reliable/trustworthy.
24. Texas is really, really big.
25. Flowers are nice. I like them.
26. Ditto for bumble-bees. Don't know why, I just like them.
27. Wasp's are pure evil and should be stepped on or hit with spray glue (sticks their wings together so that you can step on them.)
28. Harley's do break down but that brotherhood out on the road is pretty cool (and awful damn helpful)
29. The Rolling Stones' - "Can't You Hear Me Knockin'" still kicks ass
30. Amsterdam + houseboat+BBC comedy+mushrooms = fun. Lots of fun.
31. Amsterdam+The Black Crowes+mushrooms = fun. Lots of fun.
32. Rolling a kayak back upright is hard.
33. Jeans and a V neck still work
34. Also good for most women
35. My button-up Robert Graham is better than lingerie (on her, not me) (I look great in lingerie)
 |
| Mike, the dog. |
36. My dog is often times a better judge of character than I am.
37. I listen to my dog.
38. Most of the time he just ignores me and keeps on typing.
39. People in west Texas are really nice.
40. New York too (most of the time)
41. The long way is worth it.
42. Pound cake makes it better.
43. Kids love it when you get down on the floor with them. And you should.
44. A hug and a kiss on the cheek is a good way to greet a friend. You should do it more often.
45. The more complicated the facial hair, the more of a pain in the ass the dude.
46. Stop complaining about traffic and weather.
47. Apologize early and often.
It sounds like this; I'm really sorry I did _______. You were right, I was wrong. Let me do ______ to make it better. (Look up pages 176-183 (or thereabouts) in Randy Pausche's book,
The Last Lecture.
It works wonders for everyone involved.
48. Peyote tastes awful. More awful pound for pound than you can ever imagine.
49. Tarantulas are jerks.
50. When you're 5 years old, a dryer seems like a great place to hide during a game of hide and seek with your brothers.
51. A dryer is a very, very bad place to hide when you're playing hide and seek with your brothers.
52. I'm glad I'm doing this trip now, at this point in my life, with all of you riding along.
*ed. note. I'm still working on this but I'm in Los Angeles and headed to my bff ______'s place this morning for work.
*2nd ed. note. I've been sitting outside the Starbucks in Malibu writing for an hour or so.
It's gorgeous here. Kind of distracting to be honest.
After a meeting with a certain internationally known and Knighted singer's peoples this morning, I hopped onto the 101 at Canyon Creek, headed towards Malibu. It's less than an hour ride from Beverly Hills and once you get off the highway the view is spectacular.
God it felt good to feel that cool air after the last few weeks of +100 degree days.
I flew thru the tunnel leading down to Pacific Coast Hiway and couldn't resist pulling in the clutch and ripping the throttle - what an absolutely bone rattling sound came crashing out of that tunnel!
Just as I crested the last little hill, The Black Crowes, "My Morning Song", started playing.
I could hear Chris belting out the chorus just as the Pacific Ocean came into view.
"March me down to the Seven Seas,
Bury me with a ruby ring;
Kiss me, baby, on Easter Sunday;
Make my haze blow away!"
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